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Welcome to let's Talk About it, the podcast where we shine a light on the change agents and everyday heroes who shape our communities.
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Here we dive deep into the lived experiences of our guests, exploring the milestone moments that have either propelled them forward or changed their paths.
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On moments that have either propelled them forward or changed their paths, we anchor every conversation in two foundational pillars of the Black community books and music.
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Through this unique lens, we capture, entertain and inform, weaving a rich tapestry of stories and insights that resonate, inspire and spark meaningful dialogue.
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Join our host, tj Lowry and Shatima Grisham, as they engage with thought leaders and community change agents to uncover the rich tapestry of experiences that shape our lives.
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Get ready for insightful discussions, unfiltered perspectives and the celebration of Black excellence let's talk about it of.
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Black Excellence let's talk about it.
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Hey everyone, welcome back to let's Talk About it the podcast.
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I'm your girl, tj, and I'm so excited to welcome you back for another episode.
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I want to kick off and talk about a little bit of something important with my girl, shatima.
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Let me introduce her.
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Come on in, shatima hey, tj, I'm good hey, so the black age of society has been getting some questions regularly, and one of the top questions is what do we call black people right?
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is it?
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african-american.
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There was a time where we were called negroes and colored, and so, through the evolution, I think it's a good space for us to share, um, what?
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What should they call us?
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Shatima?
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You've got some good insight on that.
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Share it with the people.
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We can call me Shatima, um like it.
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So I think this is a question we all get, and most probably black people have received this question.
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I think you know let me preface it that it's personal to some and more personal to others, but I have always told people that African American is ancestors of slaves, specifically in America.
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Right, so we are.
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I am a descendant of slaves and so I am, you know, african American.
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When you use the word black, that is everything, that is all inclusive of anyone of African descent, and so that is really the definition.
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Most people that look like me are comfortable with being called black.
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I always tell people know your audience.
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If you're speaking formally, you need to know your audience.
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African American is widely acceptable, but the differentiator is African Americans are descendants of slaves.
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Blacks are descendants of Africa, so that's going to include Haitians, jamaicans, you know, bermudans, anyone who has our melanated skin.
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So that's usually the barometer I use, but I also preface it that you're going to get.
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You know people who have a preference of being called one or the other or neither, and so you really have to just know your audience.
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Yeah, I feel like black is a culture.
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You know, it is not a race, a nationality, it really is a culture, and most of us prefer to just be called black.
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You know, you don't have to be compliant, it is okay, and when you're talking to me or talking about me, to say you know that black person, so it's not a curse word, be comfortable using that because it again, it's a culture we relate to.
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That.
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It connects us all, regardless of where we came from.
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Many of us don't don't know our roots, you know, and so I might not feel comfortable with being called African American because, to Shatima's point, I have no attachment or association to my roots.
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Yet I'm going to Africa in April, y'all.
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So I thought that was very important to share with the audience because it is a very popular question, and especially for our allies.
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They're out here supporting us and we know that, and we want to equip them with the tools so they can continue to support us and educate their people.
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So we are black, it is okay if you're not sure, you know you can ask, but also feel comfortable doing your own research.
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back during the pandemic I had White Fragility book by Robin.
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I can't think of her last name right now, but her book blew up during the George Floyd era.
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I gave it out.
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I gave it to people and said read this, so get comfortable with doing some research too.
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So, Shatima, thank you for sharing that yeah no problem.
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I think that was good education for our audience.
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Now I'm excited for you to introduce our guests.
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Who are you introducing us to, girl?
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I'm excited as well.
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We have Ayana Baker with us today.
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Welcome to the let's Talk About it podcast.
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Ayana is the people support manager for SWCA.
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She's also the business owner of New Age Vision, which specializes in skincare and waist beats.
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She is also the VP of branding and marketing for the Black HR Society.
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Welcome.
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Thank you for having me.
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I'm excited to be here, yeah girl, I would like for you to share with the audience a little bit about New Age.
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You know Shatima and I are familiar with your products, but I think it's a good space.
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Especially here in Arizona, the dry weather, what you offer is phenomenal, so I need the people to know.
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So tell us a little bit about New Age products.
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Absolutely, and thank you so much.
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At New Age, our main focus is providing natural, healthy skincare for particularly for melanated skin, but really anybody can use it to help keep our skin hydrated during all four well, two seasons here in Arizona, right so true, not only do we have like body butters, but we also have facial serums, beard oil and hair oil too, just to take care of your skin.
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Your skin is really your first impression to people when they see you, so you want to try your best to put your best face forward.
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And our products, like I said, they're all natural so you can use them on your littles to your elders.
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I love that body butter.
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It smells so good and a little bit goes a long way, so I definitely recommend.
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Thank you, Thank you so much.
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I'm into the waste beads.
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Ayanna knows I'm like tie my beads, girl, tie my beads.
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But I did figure out how to get them tied.
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They actually are accountability beads.
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They do a lot more.
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Shatima found out the hard way.
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But I use the waste beads to help me manage my weight.
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You know they will roll up when you didn't gain weight and if they roll down, it shows you've lost.
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And so if you're on a health journey, um, yes, they are cute, um, but I think there are also a few other benefits and also aspects.
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Shatima wanted, wanted them, and Ayana tell us about the kids and the bees and the waist.
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So back up, back up.
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I'm like I want waist beads because they look cute, they look fashionable, and waist beads.
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And then I found out that they do much more than look cute and so I do not have waist beads.
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But what did you find out?
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Don't hold that, Shatima, because you were still one of them.
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Well, what was I told?
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That you have to be careful what you put around your womb, right?
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So much power and I still have a lot of working parts down there.
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So I will be waiting to get waist beads.
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We don't need any new blessings.
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You weren't opposed to it, which shocked me and Ayana.
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Absolutely.
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And I said well you better put them bees in the garbage, because apparently they can aid in you know getting you pregnant.
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Well, I'm not mind organically that happening.
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I just don't need to put those things out in the universe and help Girl, you should mind at this stage you have adult children.
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Shatima has a child in just about every age group right now.
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I do Shout out to the littles.
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I have a 24-year-old, I have a 14-year-old and a 6-year-old, so you know, look.
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I'm open and she's open to a baby.
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Put the beads away.
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Put the beads away, but I don't want to help.
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I don't need any help with getting them here, put the beads away.
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Shatima TJ was like what is wrong with you?
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Yes, because we should be looking to.
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You know, be celebrating vacations, and you know they say.
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I heard Jill Scott say in your 20s you should be working hard, in your 30s you should be working smart and in your 40s you should be working when you want to and if you have another baby.
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I mean, I worked to get them.
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There was some work put in there to get them and I'm not mad at that.
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If that's what you know, we gotta do that.
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They got aunties.
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They got aunties ready to go.
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Right.
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It takes a village, but I don't need no help I don't need to just be, you know in season, so I wanted to talk a little bit about dating in az.
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Um, it's interesting, I'm from Milwaukee, wisconsin.
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Milwaukee is one of the most segregated cities in the country, so it is very saturated with black people.
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So dating is easy.
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It's actually too easy.
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I think the experience here in AZ has been different.
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What are you guys' thoughts and feels on the dating pool here?
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I think it depends on If you're open to dating different cultures and ethnicities, then I think you can have a lot of fun here in AZ, especially in Phoenix.
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But if you are looking more so for black male or female partner, you're going to have to be very intentional with your efforts to A find those communities where we're at.
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Where are those communities?
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You know, I I can't tell you because, uh, I went to the online streets to find my partner.
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So, um, but yeah, you have to be intentional, uh, here, and then also to like right, what are you looking for?
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That even makes the pool a little bit smaller too.
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If you're looking for professional black, professional spiritual, like if you got a really long list here in Phoenix, it's going to be a challenge.
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You're going to have to really, really, really think about prioritizing what you want were you on the online platform long, not too long no, that's actually beautiful excited.
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I don't know, I get bored on there I had horrible experiences on the dating apps.
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You know, a few years back now this was a few years back I had, you know, one experience.
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A guy was like four foot eight and when we went on a date, you know the table was high, his feet didn't touch the floor.
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I like a taller man, you know he couldn't reach the bread and I'm like here, you know, and it just wasn't a good experience.
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Another guy didn't really want to date, he just wanted to keep coming over let me come over.
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Let me come I'm no we need to get to know each other and eventually decided I want to withdraw my interest.
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And that was a new one for me.
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I love that that's so professional.
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Sign me up.
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Because I was about to withdraw my interest as well.
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I think, it's a really different experience here.
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And to Ayanna's point, I've never dated outside of my race.
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People are like TJ.
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At this stage, at this age, where you are, you have to be open to that.
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I'm trying, I want to be open to dating outside of our race here, I think too.
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keep in mind where are you going to be celebrated.
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If the person is celebrating, you Say that again for the people in the back, not celebrating, oh yeah.
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Go where you are cherished and celebrated and that's where you're going to have a lot of fun and you're going to have the most meaningful relationship.
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Okay.
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Yeah, but don't give up hope.
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I haven't.
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I'm a hopeless romantic.
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Good and the statistics.
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The reason I actually brought it up is because statistics show that the most successful relationships are black women and white men.
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Absolutely and.
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I was blown away.
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Lowest divorce rate, too Lowest divorce rate, so those are very interesting statistics, which is why I need to be at least open to the idea.
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Yeah, so I'm open at least open to the idea.
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Yeah, so I'm open, I'm open.
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So there's some things we have to leave behind, but there are some things we have to be open to.
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I was telling TJ I had went out a couple weeks ago and um had a really good time.
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We sat at this table and there's these three guys I had on heels, my feet were hurting, it was hot and um.
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So I went over there and I asked if we could sit down.
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They said yeah, so we're talking.
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The guys look, you're beautiful, we're having something going on.
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And then, about 45 minutes in, I was like are you guys married?
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All three of them were married.
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All three we're wasting your time we're married having fun all three so then we, they were, they uh, two of them were visiting from out of state, and so we still stayed there and had a good time.
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But when I was walking to the car, there was a guy that was walking by and we were so close that I just said, you know, I said hello, so I get in the car and I was with my cousin and I was taking my heels off, you know, before I took off and she's like girl, he's coming back, and I was like, before I could look in the rearview mirror he was tapping on the window, so I rolled the window down and all I could think of he was like somebody who you know was part of like the saint lunatics, like he jumped out of the nelly video he had on this black bomber jacket.
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He had a gold grill in his mouth.
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He had, like I don't know, diamonds coming down his neck and in my head I'm thinking, are we gonna date the rapper?
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Are we gonna do this shit team?
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And he's like talking and I'm like, is this, is this what we're gonna do?
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So I ended up giving him my phone number because he was really nice and I felt like I was like he was right there.
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But I was telling TJ I'm like, yeah, I think we're not, we're not dating, we're not gonna do that, we're gonna date the rapper.
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My first thought is what?
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age range he was 50.
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No, ma'am.
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He was 50 because I asked he was very cute but he was probably something that I would have like at least engaged in in maybe my 20s and 30s.
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But he looked like we could be going to like our Nelly like photo shoot, like I don't know what we were doing here and I was like, yeah, we're not doing this.
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You're not at that point to be doing that.
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Not, yeah, we're not doing this.
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You're not at that point to be doing that, not even for fun.
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Not even for fun, it would be fun.
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It would be more exhausting.
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But she sent me the pictures and I was like cracking up, because the other thing is they sent pictures.
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Oh, he sent me a picture.
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I didn't even make it to the freeway.
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I didn't make it to the freeway, my phone chirped.
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I was like is this what we do now?
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And I'm like am I supposed to send my picture?
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Because I.
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What am I supposed to do with this?
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I sent a picture.
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But we he was blocked.
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He was blocked by the new year, not blocked.
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Yeah, he had to block them because it was like can I come over, let's go chill, send me more pictures.
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And I'm like, do they just send pictures?
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Like, is that what we do?
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not, I can't handle it, we're not talking.
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I was like I can't date the rapper.
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Maybe a few years back, maybe before that little six-year-old came into the picture but, right, you can't do the rappers anymore, but I also hear women are more or less taking their shots and like yes.
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I was kind of taken back by that, but I think because I've been in long-term relationships more often than not.
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But like, women are taking their shots and I'm not opposed to it.
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It just was a new concept that we got to try that yeah.
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I think if you're gonna date to out of the black community, taking your shot is the way to go, because I think other men want to date us.
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We may be intimidating, or they are afraid to approach us.
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So if you take that shot, I think you'll have a lot of fun.
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Okay well that's some interesting tips for this year, especially for those of us who don't have 5,000 to go on Talkify.
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But, Shatima, let's jump off into some hot topics.
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No, we do not.
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Girl, what do you have for us today?
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for hot topics.
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I have to wait for the Amazon man, because that's who I see daily, so locally here.
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I don't know if everybody's heard of the Bikini Bean Barista, the incident that happened earlier this week, so let me give you some info.
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So here in Arizona there was a gentleman, I think he was like 27, 28 years old.
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He was driving up to the Bikini Bean Barista and, if you have not been there, the ladies they deliver your coffee in their bikinis, makes sense.
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It's 100 degrees here all year round, so they deliver your coffee in your bikini.
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So the incident was, as I heard.
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Hooters of bikinis.
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It was like a Hooters of.
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Starbucks Gotcha so this gentleman apparently rolled through the drive-thru line because it's not a walk-up, you can only do drive-thru and whoever was taking the order I don't know how she noticed, but she noticed that he was there with, like, his pants down.
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So she told her manager.
00:17:42.066 --> 00:17:45.426
So by the time you get to the window, it's actually a door not a window.
00:17:45.426 --> 00:17:47.426
The manager is at the door.
00:17:47.426 --> 00:17:54.083
The guy you know drives through and he's literally in his car with his pants down, what appeared to be masturbating.
00:17:54.083 --> 00:18:01.605
So she's filmed him and, um, you know, she says you can hear her in the video saying I'm gonna call the police and he like skirts off.
00:18:01.605 --> 00:18:03.750
And so she uploaded the video.
00:18:03.869 --> 00:18:07.944
It went viral, like viral, viral, like over five million hits or whatnot.
00:18:07.944 --> 00:18:19.294
And shortly after the video went viral, he went back to his home in Goodyear and he killed himself from just, I guess, the embarrassment of it all.
00:18:19.294 --> 00:18:24.631
So I was thinking about it, you know, from a family perspective.
00:18:24.631 --> 00:18:35.523
Apparently he was married, he had kids, but even from the employee side, and so there seems to be like heavy debate on social media yeah on, was the company wrong for uploading the video?
00:18:35.523 --> 00:18:39.632
Um, you know, could this have been mitigated?
00:18:39.632 --> 00:18:41.721
Is it even a big deal?
00:18:42.602 --> 00:19:30.367
um, so, from what I heard and understood, this wasn't his first time, okay, and so he was constantly coming through and the employees have been complaining, and so I think, from an HR perspective, the manager now has to protect the employee, who then could say you know, this is a hostile environment for me, or harassment, or whatever else they may decide to claim, because this man continues to come through the drive-thru, and so I think that the manager recorded him in hopes to deter the behavior, and so I think it was an attempt to protect, and so, as your team is saying the conflict is also the family is saying, yeah, but you didn't have to post the video, which is what caused him to kill himself.
00:19:30.367 --> 00:19:41.247
So it really is interesting, because I think that the employer is trying to protect their, their team and their employees with an obligation to do something, because what else could they have done?
00:19:41.326 --> 00:19:44.196
compliance officer right first off.
00:19:44.196 --> 00:19:48.028
Extremely unfortunate ending to this story.
00:19:48.028 --> 00:19:56.292
Um, because I think the gentleman definitely needed help yeah, it was a missed opportunity to get him the resources that he needed um.
00:19:56.292 --> 00:20:07.385
I'm kind of torn because, from a business perspective, right like everybody, should have a policy in regards to social media and posting and if you're in um in the workplace didn't even think.
00:20:07.405 --> 00:20:08.948
I didn't even think of that.
